12:42

" I was excited, cuz I was fallin'--fallin' in love with you"

Okay so straight up words are powerful as FUCK. No seriously, just give me a minute and hear me out. Some people are like you know " sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" or some shit like that but that's bull shit as hell. Excuse my potty mouth I have not a clue where the hell it's coming from but anyways, like I'm saying words are strong as hell. Like the " L Word" which I discussed earlier this month, but it's the truth. I feel like if you really don't feel that way when someone tells you that don't say it back to save face. In the end that shit comes out and then the person who was really in love is left out in the open, vulnerable as fuck and hurt. Basically that shit is selfish as hell to say it... just because. I mean yeah, granted it would be awkward to just not say it back but they definitely have to respect you for being real. that's all im saying.

adios.

8 more days

Okay so I literally have a week & one day left until it's time for me to leave. I'm taking my first trip on Amtrak, pray for me that it's not horrible. Christmas was interesting, I wasn't really expecting much, I was actually disappointed that I didn't have the funds to get all the people I love gifts but as soon as the mula comes in, Imma have gifts galore to hand out. :)

any who...

I'm having THEE hardest time deciding where I want to go for my 21st/golden birthday. 6/21 is SOOO far away; yet so close. Besides if I price it now I could definitely get a good deal on a package. So I'm thinking Puerto Rico, Mexico or MAYBE Vegas since I do have fam out there.. Oh the many choices. I managed to pack majority of my stuff today, go me since I'm the type to wait til the last minute possible to actually start packing, but whatever. I'm making progress which is good. 2010 is almost here, damn December flew by fast. Anyone doing any resolutions? I wanna start doing either yoga or Pilate's. That's all I got so far, oh yeah and choose between psychiatry or psychology. decisions. decisions.

adios.

Hard Candy

First off let me start by saying this movie was weird. Not only was it weird but the director kind of left people hanging.

If you have a light stomach don't watch this because there's one graphic part in it that was like what the fuck is wrong with this chick. The chick being Ellen Page, excuse me if I spelt her name wrong but she was damn right psycho in this movie. I like to find good movies and watch them when I'm sitting in the house avoiding the snow. Like a sane person would, unless you have some weird ass infatuation with snow, hence you would be outside like a dummy playing in it. Otherwise, if you're not doing anything check this movie out, lemme know what you think. It was good, no doubt but I still stick with my weird rating. She was fuckin' psycho, but it kind of made you think what if which is kind of interesting as well.

The L word.

No. Not the show. I mean love. Have you ever been terrified of using it? The past two relationships that I've been I didn't think twice about dropping the word. This relationship I'm so hesitant to say it and I know I'm only fooling myself. I love him with out a doubt, it's sad I can admit it on a blog but not in person. I'm terrified of getting my heart broken again therefore I just dunno if I'm ready to make that step. Oh this sucks big time. I keep wanting to go back and retrace footsteps that are already present, and the only reason is because I don't want to be honest with myself. Ehhh.. soon or later, probably sooner I'm guessing I'm going to have to admit it. But I'm scared. I don't want to be that vulnerable again. Maybe I shouldn't say I don't want to, I'm just afraid to be. There it is.

I feel like this is so dumb. I should be able to just say it and deal with the reaction to it. I'm not even afraid of the fact that he may not say it back. We've been together for almost 2 years so honestly if he doesn't there's nothing I can do about it and I can accept that. I think I'm more afraid of him actually saying it back. Once you drop that word, it has so many meanings and emotions tied to it and my ass is already emotional as it. Bahhhh humbug. [ I've always wanted to say that.. deal with it ] This sucks but mainly for me since I've become so secretive with my emotions and would rather keep it bottled up inside. I think the last straw that broke the camel's back was when I spoke to his granny. She said she knew I loved her grandson from the way I talked about him... BAM. Elders always know it, there's no hiding it from them. That was all the proof I needed to convict myself of being guilty. Ooooo booooo. Once this is all said and done I'm going to look back at this and say " Cymone, get it together it wasn't even that bad" but until then I will be analytical, emotional self and continue to argue the inevitable knowing the truth is already out there and I need to quit lying to myself. Thank you & Good night.

hah.

Eff it all

I've come to the point where I'm literally just ready to say FUCK IT ALL. I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy, I'm tired of not being friends with people and not even knowing why. I'm tired of biting my tongue and putting a smile on when I don't feel like it.. Basically I'm just TIRED. I can't even describe to you the amount of things building up inside of me and I'm ready to just explode. I keep a lot of things inside because I'm careful to be super patient, kind and try to help others as much as possible but I still seem to be grasping the short end of the stick. HOW THE EFF does that work out? I mean seriously, I may not be able to do everything you need me to do but I still try and be the best person that I can be. I'm so done. If you don't have my best interest at heart, there's the door USE it. If you don't want anything more from me then to get between my thighs, please be a man and say that shit because I will NOT hesitate to call you on it anymore. I'm tired of getting fed the same ol bull shit and to still smile through it like everything is just peachy. Well guess what it's not.

THAT IS ALL.

Love Bug.

Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and the madness of the world becomes at a standstill

I don't want to have to deal with " silly" emotions nor the complications that life throws at you

I'm not complaining.. just simply stating.. madness I need a break from you

From you twists and turns and life changing situations that you decide to throw my way...

It's amazing how you can be so set in a certain opinion and certain circumstances alter them

I mean come on, I was definitely sure that in no way shape or form is it okay for you to have your cake and eat it to.. But I may feel differently now. It could be from past experiences that have made me want to lock my heart up in numerous way and compartments, or even the simple fact that I'm scared to admit the inevitable which so kindly snuck up on me and bit the shit out of me. I didn't bleed though, nah I've grown to become almost immune to these bites. ALMOST.

See the harder you fight the faster you fall, it's almost like quick sand you know when you have to stay calm and then you can be set free ( okay maybe it's like harry potter when they were wrapped up in the devils snare and Ron freaked out, and Hermione told him that he had to calm down in order to break free.. don't judge me okay ) anyway.. I kept fighting and well it happened. I'm scared as shit because I have to brace myself for this emotion, nobody can give me a straight answer when I ask " What is love" there are so many definitions of it that I don't even know if I have an understanding but I feel it towards him and I'm scared. I'm scared because of what the past has brought and I don't want that to happen again.. It would be my fault. You know fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.. fool me three times.. yeah you get the drift..

We spend our whole lives telling ourselves that
everything happens for a reason when in reality,it's just that we give reasons for everything that happens

Is this a HATE crime?

Sometimes the media HONESTLY kills me. They ask really ridiculous questions that the evidence is basically slapping them in the face with. Like hello, your answer is quite obvious!?!

Evidence # 1:

Please refer to the link below. Then in YOUR opinion tell me if you really even need to question was it a hate crime or not. The suspect CLAIMS that he (Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado pictured at left ) tried to kill him. But decapitating someone, and partially burning the body...Speaks for itself that ish is wayyy past self defense. Come people lets use our brains.

Full story can be found here:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/18/puerto.rico.gay.teen.slain/index.html

Update

The body found was that of Shaniya Davis. Breaks my heart and I hope that little girl is resting in peace. How could you do anything harmful to a five year old? The dad crying hurt me even more, I can't believe she's gone and I don't even personally know her. It's just so cruel to take a life of someone who can't protect themselves.

This DISGUSTS me!

Look at this beautiful child. She's five and I'm sure just like any other five year old she was probably starting kindergarden and was enjoying her beautiful young life. She's beautiful honestly and she's definitely an innocent CHILD. Now not to just focus on her beauty because all children are young and innocent at that age but I mean seriously look at her:

Her name is Shaniya Davis. She's missing in North Carolina.

This is what her so called " mother" looks like:

Now lets get a few things straight here bloggers just so we're clear:

1. Just because you have a child doesn't make you a mother, or father or in this case a fit parent

2. Not everyone should have the blessing of being able to have kids, ( and this is just my opinion)

3. The following article from CNN.com ( which is my home page) really pissed me and hurt me

(CNN) -- About 200 people were searching Monday in North Carolina for the body of a missing 5-year-old girl after "reliable information" indicated that she may be dead, Fayetteville, North Carolina, police said.

The search focused on land near a roadway because "reliable information received that the body of Shaniya Davis may have been dumped there," the Fayetteville Police Department said in a statement.

Investigators have been searching for Shaniya for several days.

Police charged the girl's mother, Antoinette Nicole Davis, with trafficking and other offenses, authorities said. Davis was "prostituting her child," said Fayetteville police spokeswoman Theresa Chance.

Other charges against the mother include felony child abuse, prostitution and filing a false police report, according to the Fayetteville Police Department.

The mother told police last week that the child vanished from their mobile home in Fayetteville.

Hotel surveillance video taken around the same time Shaniya was reported missing shows the girl with a man identified as Mario Andrette McNeill. He has been charged with first-degree kidnapping.

Police said they dropped kidnapping charges against another man, Clarence Coe, who was arrested Thursday in connection with the case.

I have a weak spot for children, I'm the Oldest of 8 and have been around kids ever since I could remember. I have this thing in my heart where I just want to save every single kid from monsters like this person. How do you prostitute a 5 year old! They can't even comprehend SEX, this disgusts me, not only do they not understand the act of sex but how does a grown ass man have SEX with someone who could be their child, their neice, they're LITTLE SISTER. What the hell is this world coming to. She deserves life in prison because this child did NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING to deserve this. I pray they find her alive, I really do.

This is NOT justice

Stories like this hurt me to the core. I know I don't know the whole situation nor the story but LIFE without parole, at the age of 16? Excuse my french, but this is BULL SHIT and something needs to be done.

She's now 29 by the way, seriously she doesn't deserve to die in that prison!

Capital Punshiment

As I sit here and listen to Say it ain't so - MoZella I can't help but to think of the hundreds, even thousands of people whose lives have been taken by Capital Punishment. If you listen to this song it doesn't have anything to do with Capital Punishment of course, it's just what I'm listening as I post this. I was on facebook earlier because I'm currently not in school this semester and well that's what my day consists of before work and my godfather posted a simple question asking if John Allen Mohammad got what he deserved. The question wasn't up for very long, 30 minutes I believe and I wrote this small response saying that he didn't, we're not god and we have no right to say who deserves to live and who deserves to die. In response to this post also I decided to change my status and asked the facebook world, ( well those who are my friends ) if they too disagreed with Capital Punishment, this is where I would meet my new best friend Olivia Cole ( follow her she also has a blog http://rantingowl.blogspot.com/) :D. She also agreed with me and pretty much took the words right out of my mouth. We spoke about how capital punishment is hypocrisy, we as a society condemn those who kill people but then turn right around and kill them= how could this not be hypocrisy? Honestly, who are you to say well he killed someone so he deserves to die, that's not under any circumstance true. Now I'm aware that people could say, " well you don't know how it feels to have someone taken from you by murder" and with all do respect you're right I don't, but I believe in karma as well as GOD and I know that in the end everyone will have to take responsibility for what they did. I believe that the best punishment for those who have taken another life is to give them a life sentence, simply because and as Olivia pointed out there is usually something mentally wrong with people who can take another persons life and they usually don't care if they die, so in a way you're giving them exactly what they asked for. Instead, locking them up for a lifetime they have to sit and think about what they did to get them there and that is definitely JUSTICE in my opinion. It's interesting this conversation even took place because just yesterday at work me and my manager were talking about this government and the corrupt things that take place. I also just caught a glimpse of a article that she posted about Gay Right and that's another subject that I could on about ALL DAY. But i'll save it for another time bloggers. I hope I made a small difference in your opinion about Capital Punishment, because honestly we as human beings do have an instinct for revenge and we have to set self aside and let karma take it's course.

I am IRRITATED.

There are times when I just need to get away. I don't want to be bothered by anybody, I don't want to be asked what's wrong.. simply BECAUSE 9 time out of 10 there isn't anything you can do about it and your probably don't even care... your just asking to be

1) Nosey

or

2) because it sounds good.

I'm tired of people asking me that when they really don't care. I'm tired of being in this crazy atmosphere where there is no peace and I'm tired of dealing with damaged relationships that will only get fixed when it's convenient for you. That's NOT how the world works and that's not FAIR for you to do that just because you have a certain title. A title means nothing when you've asked " what can I do to make it better" and you refuse to do it. I'm tired of trying to make everyone around me happy, and I should have known from jump that sometimes you just can't make everyone happy. Sometimes in life it's time for you to be selfish because once you get to a certain point in your life you can NO longer be SELFISH and it will no longer be just about YOU. So I've come to the conclusion that if you don't give a F&*( about me then guess what the feeling is definitely mutual. If your not on anything then you need to remove yourself from my life, presence, and plain and simple just keep it moving. That goes for ANYBODY that falls into this category because if your bring negative energy to me then you don't want what's best for me and therefore there is no reason for you to even be apart of my life. I'm tired and my mom always told me when you get tired enough you will make the change that needs to be made. So kindly... EFF YOU! && your negative energy and if your feelings are hurt then it was probably geared toward you in the first place.

Blackberry aka Crackberry; Fall

So randomly the other day at work I decided that summer is no longer my favorite season. I mean yeah I was born in the summer, and I love going to the beach [ I fell in ♥ with Virginia Beach ] and I love ice cream, I mean hey I've been working at Dairy Queen for three years, so that was bound to happen. But I think fall has my heart, I love wearing dark jeans, sweaters, cardigans, boots and the colors are so beautiful. Perfect day would be Caribou Coffee, good book, warm sweater, I could just chill on my porch and kick back. Fall is also football and I love to watch football, like the sport is just so entertaining, and I get so excited. So besides fall being my new favorite season I'm just getting really excited because Halloween & Thanksgiving is also during the fall. I love thanksgiving, because I love food, which we should all know this by now, I also like Halloween because I love dressing up and being whatever I want for that particular day. So fall you have captured my heart, way to go you!

So my phone has been off for sometime now and I'm really sad, because my phone is definitely apart of me. I recently seen this girl who had a blackberry curve, which I also have and she painted it PINK. I ♥ pink so much, it's my favorite color, and before I had a blackberry curve I had a blackberry pearl and just put a pink cover over it but well, if I can actually paint it pink Im so down for it. You have to see how beautiful this phone is. look for yourself:

Pic 1:

Pic 2:

Pic 3:

Now she did this with Krylon spray paint? I definitely want to try this, but I can't afford to mess up, so should I do this or not? I'm leaning more towards yes, but we'll see because I did see this really pretty case, but I don't really cases just because it's makes it all chunky sort of, but whatever. Hopefully I'll gain the courage to do this and my phone will be just as prettyful. Can't wait to have updates :)

Dairy Queen

So for those of you who are still clueless I work at Dairy Queen. Now this job has it's pros and cons but mostly I always have CRAZY customer stories I have to tell and sometimes it gets quite annoying and becomes frustrating more than entertaining. I have been working at DQ for 3 years now, I started in 2006 and there is ALWAYS going to be crazy stories when it comes to dealing with customers. We get this magazine at the store and now I can't remember what it's called but there's always a part in the magazine that has customer letters telling about their good experience or the bad experience they had when visiting various Dairy Queens across the United States. Well some of them are cool, and others are just the typical complaining of what we as the employee could have done better to make their visiting experience up to par, well people it's time to see the other side of the story. Today I was at work and it was almost time for us to close, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a customer sees the lights are off, the open signs are off, the roof signs are off and they come up to the window anyway and ask " Are you still open?"

# 1. Is it not obvious that we're closed when everything that is usually on during operating hours is off

# 2. Do you really care if we're open, or is it just you as the customer trying to be annoying, because regardless if we are open or not you are still going to want some ice cream.

If you're going to ask me if we're open, and I tell you no, then LEAVE. Do not stand around with that stupid face and look as though I'm supposed to stay up for you, because then YOU attract MORE customers. Now I know this sounds really mean, but if only you could understand how often I have to put up with this annoying question like it doesn't matter if we're closed or not so please do not ask because you will still proceed to give your order anyway, because you want some ice cream. Now not only does it drive me insane when that happens, BUT the funniest thing that I actually find really entertaining is the fact that people will come and order a EXTRA LARGE BLIZZARD, which is a ridiculous amount of ice cream and then along with all of those calories order a EXTRA LARGE DIET POP. Seriously??? What is the point of this people, please let me know? I don't understand how that all balances out. Now another great thing you get to experience when working at Dairy Queen is the fact that when cutomers have an attitude they want you to still continue to be polite to them. For example, I worked tonight from 4:00 pm - 10:00 pm. I got there early though and it was about 9 almost 9:30 and this guy comes up to the window and says he wants six items, and I'm like okay what can I get you, and he says six items again, and then as I proceed to ask him again what six things he wants, he says I'm trying to tell you I want six things, now if you can be quiet I'll tell you, but since you want to do it your way fine. He orders 2 hot dogs, 2 polish sausage and 2 large mistys, then gives me some money [ now even though I had to put up with his attitude I still made a tip ] but the weirdest things happens, he's waiting for his order then the next thing I know I look up and he's gone on his bike. SUPER WEIRD. Why do you pay for all that stuff, and then leave? That's just not all that smart, but hey whatever. I experience a lot of things working at Dairy Queen, some good, some bad, but the location that I work with and the people and managers are amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Regardless of the rude, inconsiderate customers I have to deal with from time to time. Oh and another thing that I think is super cool is the fact that I work at the first dairy queen ever built in minnesota. Go a head, hate on it. :)

late night/ early morning. Whatev floats your boat.

Hmmm, so not to be the whiner, although I feel like since I said that it will be exactly what this post sounds like but I swear I think birth control makes you even more emotional. Yes, for those of you who don't know, although I personally don't think it's a big deal I'm on birth control or ( BCP ) which by the way [ Lilly you have inspired me to write " no babies " on my pack as well ] but any who I always find myself like really emotional over stuff that probably should be that serious you know. But then I think on it and I'm like okay, but I'm not always like this so it's like small spurts or whatever. It's just annoying, I started working again back at DQ aka Dairy Queen for those of you who are clueless to what that meant and I don't have a day off until Wednesday. I'm not complaining at all, NO NO not at all, I NEED THE MONEY. But I already feel that feeling that I always get when I'm heading down the "doing too much" road. I feel like I need to start writing again, man this is kind of creepy because I been reading my brother's god sister's blog too, and she said she use to write ALL THE TIME. Well, I was the exact same way. I had this brown journal my mom gave me and it had a song on the cover page, well a few pages in and it was the song " I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack. I love that song, it's super inspirational, as a matter of fact that will be my song playing on page for a few days. But anyways, I would write ALL THE TIME my senior year, about whatever I was feeling, poems, thoughts, quotes, whatever and it would be like a weight lifted off my shoulder. But now, I just don't write. Maybe I don't have the time, or maybe it is " permanent writers block" whatever it is I need a release like 3 weeks ago, something's gotta give. I need a breath of fresh air.

[The picture on this post is actually the picture that was on the front of journal.]

Death to ALL flies.

So basically I am so pissed off right now, because of this stupid FLY! The sound that a fly make truly freaks me out and there's one in the house right now, I believe it's horse fly because it's extremely loud when it's flying around. Now, I tried to do something totally out of character and freaking let the fly out the back door at freakin` 11 pm at night, but NOOO the fly DOES NOT appreciate my kindness which I rarely show when it comes to insects, bugs whatever you want to call it and I usually kill it. I mean honestly I'm sure that there is a reason why bugs exist but I HATE them passionately. They disgust me to the utmost power and it freaks me out that this fly will be flying around in my house while I'm sleep, if I ever get there simply because I do not want to wake up to that sound buzzing in my ear. WHAT THEE EFF! UGHHH! I am so mad seriously, like I know it sound dramatic but you just don't understand, I cannot stand, spider, bees, wasps, dragon flies, flies period! UGHH!

120.

Okay so people I'm really excited, I stepped on the scale today and the number that read back to me made me smile. I was at 130 when I was sick and had to go the emergency room and all that, but I usually was 119-120. So today I was trying to measure a book,[ yes on a home scale I didn't know what else to use ] and I was like oh what the hay, let's see how much I weigh, and lo and behold 120 stared back at me. EXCITING. Yes I know, I mean clearly I've been doing something right that I lost 10 lbs, but if only I could get a bit more toned, and have a flatter stomach, I would be so much more happier. Although I do complain about these things from time to time, I have a HUGE passion for food, that I cannot give up anytime soon. But I just though I'd share this news with you, and now I'm off to find something to eat. Hopefully the tens lbs don't come back too soon. I really don't miss them all too much.

Shoe-gasm?

So as you can see this post is titled "shoe-gasm" believe it or not I am a virgin when it comes to having a shoe-gasm. Yes I've seen shoes and I'm like yeah those are cute but I've never been one to go like super psycho I gotta have those shoes. For the following reason:

1. Food is my first ♥

2. I always spend ALL my money on food, which is another sad fact.

3. Did I mention I love food?

Therefore if it comes down to choosing between some damn shoes or CHIPOTLE! Well people you already know what your answer is. I for one do not understand how anybody could not ADORE, be OBSESSED, go CRAZY when it comes to ordering CHIPOTLE! [ yes the exclamation point is needed ] I was reading this comment posted on Ronnie B's status [ jetminded.blogspot.com] and he said that CHIPOTLE! is overrated or somewhere along that line, it broke my heart. So then Ash-bunny [ she's my brothers god sister, nakedinglitter.blogspot.com] said " chipotle is made by gods, how could you not love it" and I so agree. CHIPOTLE is just super bomb. But sadly, this post isn't about CHIPOTLE so I'm moving on... sadly...

So I've become addicted to this site called stumbleupon.com, thanks to my boyfriend and basically it's a bunch of randomness at the tips of your fingers in any subject you can probably think of it. It's really fun, and I get excited staying up all night pressing the "stumble " button. [ I don't start working until next week, so I'm what my brother calls a " College Bum" don't judge me. ] So anyway usually I press the same categories all the time but the other day I decided to do the shopping section and that was when I almost died from what people call a shoe-gasm. OMG, I usually don't wear heels, although I do have a good build and tiny feet to wear them I would rather wear my " ugg slippers" [ their from TARGET! ahhh I ♥ target] I mean who wouldn't love to get something designer for super cheap, and the knock-off is so dead on. Whatever, I love a bargain and refuse to pay 100 something dollars when I could get almost identical pair for like 20 bucks. Saves me money, and saved money makes me happy; although I SUCK at saving money but whatever that's not for this post. So anyway I enclosed three of the shoes I will be getting, and I hope you like. :)

Adios.

how could you not ♥ this!

I just love these because their more on the wild side, and I would so have fun trying to figure out what the heck to get to match these :) such a challenge

snakeskin, and blue? Love it. enough said.

When I grow up I wanna be--

A HOOTERS GIRL!!?!

I know I know.. I'm pretty much GROWN up but I can still have goals that I want to achieve right, and " the girls " [ in other words my boobs ] are big enough, although I know that's not what they look for and I've NEVER eaten there, sad now that I think about it. But I really think I would be good at doing something like that, I'm sure they would hire me for the job so I think I'm going to go for it and then that way if I can get a job here then I can secure on hopefully when I move to VA sometime in december or january. So I thought I would share my excitement over my new goal, besides being a " hooters girl" I could so earn tips while I'm doing it. WOO HOO for tips, and hopefully I can find a close place to the apartment in VA so I can be one there too. Until next time...

"Team Awesome "

So today I'm at my dad's apartment and I'm watching ultimate cake off which reminds me of the food network challenge that I used to watch when we had cable. Unfortunately, at mi madre's house we don't have cable which makes me realize how much I do miss it. Usually I'm able to catch up with the few shows that I do watch on a regular basis the next day on the internet but I've had a big obsession with the food network and travel channel when we had cable and now I realize how much I've missed it. :(

So every time I watch the food network I ALWAYS find something that can hold my attention from hours on end, whether it be chopped, Iron chef America, Diners, Drive-In's & dives and OF COURSE the different food network challenges. How can you not enjoy these shows man. I freaking love it ridiculously and EVEN fell asleep watching it, and my boyfriend stayed up and told me all about it. :) ahhh the good times.

Here's just a few opinions on shows I can't get a enough of:

Guy Fieri is simply AMAZING. His show ALWAYS makes me hungry so if you do decide to watch this show definitely make sure you're eating as you watch. The places he visits makes me wish they were looking for a co-host I would so be the best person ever to do it HONESTLY. I love food with a passion and what job is better than getting paid to eat?!? Okay, I KNOW that the bathroom is probably the place ends up in at the end of the night filming all this stuff, and it's definitely not good to be consuming all this food and not being active but come on we deserve to live a little right? Reguardless, food network if your looking for a female co-host, I'm your girl.



So chopped is another really good show, the ingredients they sometimes give the chefs to use are such a challenge I even find myself trying to come up with recipes as they start working on them. It's a really good show, and it also gives you hints and shows you different ways to make stuff and what not. Although I love to cook, I don't want to have to go school and pay for it so I get hints watching this show and sometimes find stuff that I want to try one day when I get a chance. Definitely a good show.


I also can't get enough of the Food Network Challenge and although this child can be very very annoying I loved the sweet sixteen Miley Cirus one. The cakes were super cute and I was definitely getting ideas to have my cake made for my 21st, although they wouldn't be exactly the same but the cakes were so unique it would have definitely been a challenge for me to pick one. I also like all the challenges they do when it comes to cakes because they make some really amazing sculptures that almost make you double take and study it to make sure it is a real cake. I remember seeing a stand made out of cake with a dress and along with a pearl necklace and it was all cake. Like EDIBLE! I know it had to be super heavy but it was amazing. The details and everything, so beautiful.

Finally, the show I love THEE most although it was hard. BOBBY FLAY! I seen the one with the chicken & waffles, OMG! I wanted chicken & waffles right then and there. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE food. Like honestly, I'm like a big girl at heart; I ALWAYS say that but it's so true. So he challenges people in what they're known for, it's crazy & I freakin love it.

Coffee

I've decided to make a list of the things I absolutely LOVE; I was inspired believe it or not by simple cup of coffee. So let's start then shall we?:

* Coffee ( If it's from a store then CARIBOU hands down.) I just love opening up the canister of it and smelling folgers. It's like someone handing you a million dollars. :)

*Chipotle: Believe it or not I've met quite a few people who DO NOT consume CHIPOTLE! So then I ask, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?! That's a bit OD I know but man CHIPOTLE is Amazing how could you not love it.

So I'm a really a HUGE fan of food, like seriously I feel like a big girl at heart. I love making recipes and cooking it just makes me smile in my heart; "the boyfriend effect"

So the other day I had made this lamb shoulder, FIRST TIME. I promise you it was BOMB! SUPER BOMB! Like we wanted more, went to the grocery store so I could hook it up and they didn't have anymore. I have found a new love for lamb meat.

I love chicken, YES. Most black LOVE chicken, but I could eat chicken over hamburger ANYDAY.

I love being random. Pink, Lime Green & Yellow just fit man.

Polo kicks = sexy.

Showers. Although bubble baths are pretty bomb

Lip gloss. 5$ bucks at bath and body works. The green mint kind. MMMMM.

Icebreakers watermelon cube gum. It makes your mouth go INSANE.

Teddy bears. Key chains from different states.

My chi.

Paul Mitchell's super skinny. The smell of it is lovely.

Sweatshirts & leggins.

UGG boots.

Sex. Anyone who says sex is overrated is DEFINITELY not doing it right.

:)

Rainy Days. Stevie Wonder. Harry Potter 6.

So right now I'm in the kitchen, listening to the down pour of the rain for the second day in a row. Im cooking dinner tonight and I'm bored so I thought since I didn't write I would do some blogging tonight. Im working on getting to school this semester still; although time seems to be going by super fast Im determined to meet my goal. Today was pretty boring for the most part, I didn't do too much just some laundry and took care of some stuff for school. I might be getting an off campus apartment instead of living in the dorms on campus. Overall it's looking cheaper and it's kind of exciting too, I mean an apartment, yay me. Hopefully everything goes good with that situation so it's one less thing to worry about. Paying for school seems to be so complicated but I guess you get more benefits the more time and effort you put into your search. I just really dislike looking for scholarships, I mean I take ALL that time writing an essay and trying to make it sound wonderful and then I don't get anything for it... that pretty much sucks to me. Now although I hate to do all this work, I'm determined to not have to touch another loan for the rest of the time in school. I mean yeah taking out all these loans seem to be so beneficial but interest rates are a B*****. Seriously, who wants to leave school and be in debt, I am definitely not putting my hand up, because I don't want to be in that situation.

So onto the next subject, try listening to Stevie Wonder and listening to the rain.. it's so relaxing almost makes you forget about any worries you have.. ALMOST. So I've decided to do numerous posts about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. See I went and seen the movie and now I'm rereading the book and I've seen so many differences that it is ridiculous. I guess you could say that Im disappointed in the movie itself, it's so not fair that they left so many things out and then added that retarded scene into the movie.

Side Note: So I was reading this article today on Yahoo! and it showed this man who had mean a living without money at all. Now let me just say this his means of living were obviously not extravagant but he still managed to figure out a way to survive for three years without spending any money at all. Hell he even had a blog, but Im quoting him for something that he said in the article that I found interesting and it reminded me of a conversation that me and the boyfriend had. "Money represents lack. Money represents things in the past (debt) and things in the future (credit), but money never represents what is present."

But anyway back to the harry potter differences.. Im still in the middle of reading the book but here's what I've gotten so far..

Dudley is really blonde in the book not dark hair as he is presented in the movies from the very first one that came out

The Hogwarts express is in indeed scarlet not black, unless I read it wrong because I am aware they quote " scarlet smoke" often when talking about it

Tonks is the one who found Harry on the floor after he was petrified by Malfoy not Luna "looney" lovegood

Snape took Harry up to the castle when he was late, not Hagrid.

Fleur never made an appearance in the movie and neither did bill.. (which really sucks because it was quite entertaining to read in the book, calling phlgem hahah)

Professor Slughorn was described as quite large and bald in the movie he wasn't what I expected but he was NOT bald.

The lucky potion given to Harry Potter in the book was said to be gold, the potion in the movie was water. CLEARLY.

Also I was looking forward to the caldron showing the potion of the felix felicis and it didn't show. Disappointed yet again

Dumbledore doesn't go to the borrow with Harry instead he sends him there by hisself

The slug club meeting was on the hogwarts express in the book not in the castle

Now I know some of these are like.. really? who cares but these are some things that just stood out to me but don't worry for those of you who were entertained. I will surely post more as I continue to read.

Today I was upset. frustrated. COLD. very COLD.

Let's start with this ridiculous weather, the temp in the car says 67.. that is BS. I had a sweatshirt on today and was still cold. It was gloomy out. It felt like the beginning of FALL. This is NOT okay MN. NOT OKAY.

For the past TWO days I have put up with this and I want my REAL summer weather ASAP.

Im glad I could have this conversation with you MN weather. Now straighten up and act right.

I am upset because it seems like it's impossible for me to get the remaining amount of money that I need in order to start school in the fall. I am trying to be patient and have faith. I am very big on faith and hope so this is definitely a test. I hope to pass with flying colors but this is becoming very frustrating. Which brings me to my last emotion of the day.

Frustration. My family is very dysfunctional. Look it up in the dictionary and you will see a picture of MY family. Not even pretending to be FUNCTIONAL in the picture no.. not at all. There is pure entertainment going on in this picture, with my 8 year old brother acting like he is TWO. He is very spoiled and takes advantage of being the baby of the family, ( which most people should say I need to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if you could be in the same room with him for 24 hours without wanting to fight him KUDOS to you. )

I am going to be okay. I am determined to make this goal possible. But for now I needed to vent; and the best place that I could think of would be my blog at 2:35 in the morning. Im not as whiny as this post makes me. And with that being said ( for you lilly, I started a sentence with AND :) ) I will end this post on a good note.

My boyfriend makes me smile. He's the best. He is the sunshine of my life. :)

I am happy again.

School.

There are definitely a lot of things I could say about this topic. Im super excited to be starting at Virginia State but I'm also very confused and frustrated because I thought there was more help out there to be able to pay for school. It sucks to not have amazing credit already and always needing a co-signer. I'm so close to my goal, seriously I can like reach out and grab it and it's driving me insane. I guess I want it to be handed to me, but OF COURSE nothing in life is handed to you. NOTHING. So I need to suck it up and look harder. But everywhere I look as far as scholarships go there for high school seniors. Boo to them...

On a good note I've decided to minor in spanish major in nursing. Super excited about that of course, they always need people who can speak two languages you know. Bilingual means more money and who doesn't love money. I'm hoping I make so much money that I can use my first year salary and pay all my loans back. Wouldn't that be amazing. I definitely think it would, or I win the lottery in like the last year of college. That would be even more amazing.. ahhh the wonders of your imagination. Oh gee. Well I thought this definitely deserved a post, had to get it off my mind so now I can pretend that Im not going to think about it up until the time I need to leave. 3 weeks, I've never been so indecisive about a time period in my life. Sigh...

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So I'm going to try and write more on blog, it seems to help when you let things out more often than keeping them bottled up anyway. So today was pretty boring I didn't do much; just stayed in the house for the most part. I'm super anxious for school to start in August but at the same time I feel like stacks of bills are piling up in front of me and I'm anxiously looking for a way to bring them down. I've been working at Dairy Queen now for about 3 1/2 years, and I'm currently suppose to be in Hampton, Va for summer school. But as the current situation is: I am not. For various reasons but the number one reason being that Hampton University is a HBCU ( Historically Black College & University) and although it's suppose to be prestigious it sucks horribly. They are so unorganized and rude it's ridiculous. So anyway seeing as I'm back in Minnesota I thought I could stock up on some hours but because of this "Wonderful" economy we live I am not getting barely any hours AT ALL. I'm currently " ON CALL" for the next month and I'm suppose to leave in a month. How grand is that? Oh so very grand; because during this time my phone bill will rise as well as crappy left over bills from the doctor because my insurance is RETARDED not to mention the great decision I decided to make when investing in a credit card at the young and tender " i think I'm grown" age of 18. Please people if you haven't gotten credit card please DO NOT DO IT. It's like a ticking time bomb, and so easily able to get you into knee deep debt. Which is why I responsibly decided to tear mine to pieces and once it's paid off I will feel completely free. So on top of those wonderful things that are building up I also need to come up with 400 dollars for a housing deposit and 100 dollars to send a paper to the school saying " Yes, I will be attending in the fall" NEVER in my LIFE did I know a paper could be so expensive. GRRR.

So as all this happening I'm waiting to get an award letter from the school letting me know how much they will give me for the school year. I really think Financial Aid could be so much more helpful just because it seems like they don't give you anything at all. I mean the school is like 22,000 a year I guess and I mean what I MAY get like 2 in grants but then I have to turn around and take out a crap load of loans and that's frustrating because then I have to pay those BITCHES back. That's not okay at all. I mean seriously, with the government spending so much money on things that are a little less important I definitely think we should be able to get more help for school; because honestly 2 grand ain't shit when I need to come up with 20 more. You think I got that shit stowed away. Not even. I wish.