Soooo.. I'm finally in VA. I love the weather, this is definitely what I'd rather deal with vs the - degree weather we were getting up in Minnesota. At first I was listening to Tyneisha Kelly's song "I wish you loved me.." but her voice is sooo annoying. The song is good, but ughh girl stop whining. Now I'm listening to " Shouldn't have to wait" by Ryan leslie. Ohhh I love this song. I have mixed emotions, I'm feeling like a little of both right now. Check both the songs out, I understand if you'd rather read the lyrics to Tyniesha Kelly's song vs listening to it. But here's the Ryan Leslie lyrics I love so much :)

Verse 1:
It was just infatuation (yeah)
And I know I should’ve said so (oooh)
'cause you gave up your relations (yeah)
So that you could have me for yours

[Pre-Chorus:]
Boo, after quite some time
You got restless babe
Said you wanted more, from me (lemme talk about it)
I didn’t know what to do
I just turned away
When you looked me in the eyes and say…

[Chorus:]
This is crazy!
I shouldn’t have to wait (that’s what you told me)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love… (no, no, no)
Baby save it!
I shouldn’t have to wait
I shouldn’t have to wait for you
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love…

[Verse 2:]
Uh…
Couldn’t see what I was losing (yeah)
When I said I couldn’t stay, that night (uh)
And it must have been confusing (yeah)
Can imagine what was on your mind
When you begin to cry

[Pre-Chorus:]
Boo, after quite some time
You got restless babe
Said you wanted more, from me (aaand)
I didn’t know what to do (do)
I just looked away (I looked away…)
When you turned to me and you said you’re sick of waiting

[Chorus:]
This is crazy!
I shouldn’t have to wait (baby)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (I shouldn’t have to wait for you)
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love… (lo–lo–love)
Baby save it! (baby)
I shouldn’t have to wait (I shouldn’t have to wait)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (shouldn’t have to wait for your love)
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love… (lo–lo–love)

(Woo!)

[Bridge:]
Oooo, I’m not tryna’ be tough
I know what you need
And I know I’m not the one
Baby trust me (I know I’m not thaaa one)
To take good care of you
(I know) it’s gotta be rough
Said, I know it tears you up inside
Knowing I can’t
Give you what you need
And I know its craaaazy…

[Chorus: w/ ad-libs]
This is crazy!
I shouldn’t have to wait (no I shouldn’t have to wait)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (baby)
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love…
(shouldn’t have to wait for love, yeah)
Baby save it!
I shouldn’t have to wait (oh, yeaaah)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (for your loooove)
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love…
(I don’t wanna wait for your love)

This is crazy!
I shouldn’t have to wait (no baaaby)
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (tell me why you make me wait)
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love… (I don’t wanna wait for you)
Baby save it!
I shouldn’t have to wait
I shouldn’t have to wait for you (for your love bae
I shouldn’t have to wait for your love…
(I shouldn’t have to wait, no, no, no)

Me & my Randomness

I love. LOVE. LOVE. her nails.

These are just a few quotes that give me strength, make me smile, inspire me. Some are how I'm feeling, some are just randomness that makes me.. well me.



you're not going to be his first & you're not going to be his last, or his only.
he has loved before, and he will love again.
if he says he loves you now, what else matters?
he isn't perfect and you aren't either.
but he can make you laugh, he can make all your worries go away, &admit that he too makes mistakes. so hold onto him for as long as you can.
he isn't going to quote sappy love poems, but he will trust you enough to give you a part of him that you have the ability to break.
don't hurt him, don't try to change him, and don't expect more than he can give. don't analyze.
smile when he makes you happy, and let him know when he makes you mad.
miss him when he isn't there, and appreciate him for everything that he is worth.
because before you know it, he will only be a memory.


I've stopped taking people's shit completely.
I'm gonna be completely honest.
Say what I feel.
And fuck the people who get in the way.


So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable.
Go out on a limb or two or twelve. You will fall, and it will hurt.
But the farther you fall, the higher you will rise.
The higher you rise, the clearer your future becomes. Failure is a gift, welcome it.
There are people who spend their whole lives wondering how they became the people they became,
how certain chances pass them by, why they didn't take the roads less traveled.
Those people aren't you.
You have front row seats to your own transformation and in transforming yourself,
you might transform the world. It will be electric, and I promise it will be terrifying.
Embrace that; embrace the new person you're becoming.
This is your moment. I promise you, it is now, not to two minutes from now,
not tomorrow, but really now. Own that, know that deep in your bones,
go to sleep every night knowing that,
wake up every morning remembering that, and keep going.



Don't worry. He'll miss you. You're the best he could get and he blew it.
Don't let him make you think for one second that it was your fault.
It's not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong.
You gave him your heart and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn't.
And honestly he's not mature enough. He's not smart enough.
If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you in every spare second he could, but he didn't and now he's gone.
But don't you cry, sweetie. Don't call him telling him you miss him.
Don't IM him, don't message him, don't comment him, and don't talk to him in the hallways,
just pretend like you don't care, because, well, you don't.
And don't be surprised when he comes crawling back saying he made a mistake,
and if you want to, go with him again, but make him work for you.
Don't be his doormat.
Don't let him the first time he rings the bell,
make him come back every day until you trust him enough.
If he doesn't come back after a couple of tries, just let him go,
but if he comes back every day, then he's worth it, trust me. He's worth it.



And I guess you're proof
that when you let go of the past,
something better comes along


You know what your problem is?
You have no idea what you're worth.
I'm serious, you don't know how beautiful you are.
I mean, when I look at you, I shiver.
And you can't even see it.


Sometimes I sit back and think I just want more than anything your time. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me I'm beautiful, and even when I don't feel like it tell me I'm amazing. To kiss me like no one is watching & to smile like I'm the only person in the world that you wanna be with. Is that too much to ask? - MEEEE

12:42

" I was excited, cuz I was fallin'--fallin' in love with you"

Okay so straight up words are powerful as FUCK. No seriously, just give me a minute and hear me out. Some people are like you know " sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" or some shit like that but that's bull shit as hell. Excuse my potty mouth I have not a clue where the hell it's coming from but anyways, like I'm saying words are strong as hell. Like the " L Word" which I discussed earlier this month, but it's the truth. I feel like if you really don't feel that way when someone tells you that don't say it back to save face. In the end that shit comes out and then the person who was really in love is left out in the open, vulnerable as fuck and hurt. Basically that shit is selfish as hell to say it... just because. I mean yeah, granted it would be awkward to just not say it back but they definitely have to respect you for being real. that's all im saying.

adios.

8 more days

Okay so I literally have a week & one day left until it's time for me to leave. I'm taking my first trip on Amtrak, pray for me that it's not horrible. Christmas was interesting, I wasn't really expecting much, I was actually disappointed that I didn't have the funds to get all the people I love gifts but as soon as the mula comes in, Imma have gifts galore to hand out. :)

any who...

I'm having THEE hardest time deciding where I want to go for my 21st/golden birthday. 6/21 is SOOO far away; yet so close. Besides if I price it now I could definitely get a good deal on a package. So I'm thinking Puerto Rico, Mexico or MAYBE Vegas since I do have fam out there.. Oh the many choices. I managed to pack majority of my stuff today, go me since I'm the type to wait til the last minute possible to actually start packing, but whatever. I'm making progress which is good. 2010 is almost here, damn December flew by fast. Anyone doing any resolutions? I wanna start doing either yoga or Pilate's. That's all I got so far, oh yeah and choose between psychiatry or psychology. decisions. decisions.

adios.

Hard Candy

First off let me start by saying this movie was weird. Not only was it weird but the director kind of left people hanging.

If you have a light stomach don't watch this because there's one graphic part in it that was like what the fuck is wrong with this chick. The chick being Ellen Page, excuse me if I spelt her name wrong but she was damn right psycho in this movie. I like to find good movies and watch them when I'm sitting in the house avoiding the snow. Like a sane person would, unless you have some weird ass infatuation with snow, hence you would be outside like a dummy playing in it. Otherwise, if you're not doing anything check this movie out, lemme know what you think. It was good, no doubt but I still stick with my weird rating. She was fuckin' psycho, but it kind of made you think what if which is kind of interesting as well.

The L word.

No. Not the show. I mean love. Have you ever been terrified of using it? The past two relationships that I've been I didn't think twice about dropping the word. This relationship I'm so hesitant to say it and I know I'm only fooling myself. I love him with out a doubt, it's sad I can admit it on a blog but not in person. I'm terrified of getting my heart broken again therefore I just dunno if I'm ready to make that step. Oh this sucks big time. I keep wanting to go back and retrace footsteps that are already present, and the only reason is because I don't want to be honest with myself. Ehhh.. soon or later, probably sooner I'm guessing I'm going to have to admit it. But I'm scared. I don't want to be that vulnerable again. Maybe I shouldn't say I don't want to, I'm just afraid to be. There it is.

I feel like this is so dumb. I should be able to just say it and deal with the reaction to it. I'm not even afraid of the fact that he may not say it back. We've been together for almost 2 years so honestly if he doesn't there's nothing I can do about it and I can accept that. I think I'm more afraid of him actually saying it back. Once you drop that word, it has so many meanings and emotions tied to it and my ass is already emotional as it. Bahhhh humbug. [ I've always wanted to say that.. deal with it ] This sucks but mainly for me since I've become so secretive with my emotions and would rather keep it bottled up inside. I think the last straw that broke the camel's back was when I spoke to his granny. She said she knew I loved her grandson from the way I talked about him... BAM. Elders always know it, there's no hiding it from them. That was all the proof I needed to convict myself of being guilty. Ooooo booooo. Once this is all said and done I'm going to look back at this and say " Cymone, get it together it wasn't even that bad" but until then I will be analytical, emotional self and continue to argue the inevitable knowing the truth is already out there and I need to quit lying to myself. Thank you & Good night.

hah.

Eff it all

I've come to the point where I'm literally just ready to say FUCK IT ALL. I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy, I'm tired of not being friends with people and not even knowing why. I'm tired of biting my tongue and putting a smile on when I don't feel like it.. Basically I'm just TIRED. I can't even describe to you the amount of things building up inside of me and I'm ready to just explode. I keep a lot of things inside because I'm careful to be super patient, kind and try to help others as much as possible but I still seem to be grasping the short end of the stick. HOW THE EFF does that work out? I mean seriously, I may not be able to do everything you need me to do but I still try and be the best person that I can be. I'm so done. If you don't have my best interest at heart, there's the door USE it. If you don't want anything more from me then to get between my thighs, please be a man and say that shit because I will NOT hesitate to call you on it anymore. I'm tired of getting fed the same ol bull shit and to still smile through it like everything is just peachy. Well guess what it's not.

THAT IS ALL.