I'm only HUMAN.

I usually give myself A LOT of credit when it comes to being patient.

I believe that I do hold a lot of patience when it comes to kids, but I suppose my stress is also do to the lack of patience when it comes to everything else. Right now I'm OVERWHELMED. I'm not happy where I am at this point in my life but I want to make the best of it, and be thankful that I'm even alive. That I even have the option of changing it, but it's a lot more challenging than I would have thought.

I'm the type of person who prefers to have that specific person who I can run to and just be in his arms when I need to. That person who makes it seem like everything will be okay in the end. But the situation I'm in prevents it and this isn't anything new for me. We've done this before it's just  been a lot harder than I'd like it to be.  See we've never been in the same state, and then all of a sudden we were for the past 5 months. We did get closer, and I guess that affected me more than I wanted to admit. I know that  each day that goes by is another day closer I get to seeing him again. I just need to constantly remind myself that, as well as find an outlet of some sort because some days I'm great and other days I'm not.

It's an emotional roller-coaster as hell, and sometimes I feel like I don't want to be on it anymore.

=/

Last night it was realllllyyy hard. I got super overwhelmed over something that I should just be over. I was okay for most of the day, but then it just took a turning point. It shouldn't be like this, it can get to be "too much" and I do want to have more control over it. Unfortunately being honest, I just don't. 

"If u were hurt in the past, God gives u a new gift everyday:  It's called the PRESENT. Let nothing ruin your  FUTURE! " -Rev. Run

At this point I just feel like regardless of how often I stress or think about things that make me upset ( not purposely) things are going to happen. Regardless. Things that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over. I have to accept that, I have to hope & pray & trust that this is going to be different. That this is going to be something good & long lasting. I need to get to the point where I know what I am & can bring to the table. I do consider myself the whole damn package. I am. No doubt. So therefore if you can't appreciate that in the end, it won't be my fault. It'll be your loss. I want to have that attitude or that outlook it's just so much easier said than it is done. But I will get that mentality. I will. 

Everybody has a story, stop playing the victim. This is your life, your story. Don't hold anybody accountable for the out come. YOU CHOOSE YOUR ENDING. You owe it to yourself, not the one's who have done you wrong. -Kena Graves

So I read the quote above this morning and it was just like a " snap the fuck out of it Cymone" and I was better. Small steps. Small steps & friends like her.